How to cut off a disabled parent

Gen Memory, And bones, 2020-2021, oil and oil stick on cradled panel, LH panel of the diptych And bones/worn from the Paperskin series, detail

This post has a strong content warning for family violence

It’s easy

First, gang up with your sibling

Two are stronger than one

Next, make sure to never acknowledge their story

Don’t give them any power

Do the bare minimum in the relationship

So you are seen by everyone to be trying

Throw them a present here and there

And wait

Gradually step back from the relationship

Stop answering their texts

Ignore their requests for help

If they ask again, say no

You know what’s going to happen

Because you are in control

One day your parent slips up

In their extreme depair and loneliness

And again

And then again!

Keep a record of what they say

Make them bad

Make them wrong

Then the day before New Year’s

Throw it in their face

United, you are requesting a break in contact

They’ve been bad – but you still love them

It’s for your self-preservation

Because they’ve been bad

The parent, stricken with grief

Asks for the chance to talk in person

You say no

The parent has lost

What should never have been a battle

They are impotent

And defenseless

They reluctantly, and miserably, agree to the severance

It’s easy

Gen Memory

January 2026

Note to the reader

Elder abuse, including the abuse of disabled elders, is a criminal offence. If you are experiencing parental alienation, elder abuse, or family violence, there are services that can help - Domestic and Family Violence Services in your area, 1800RESPECT, Women’s Legal Aid, Lifeline, Beyond Blue and The Qld Police Service.